Monday, August 31, 2009

Random Ranting

I did debate to myself whether or not to post this because I really do try not to talk about MS a lot but its been bugging me since it happened. Its really so small and immaterial but for some reason it bugged me.

So a few days ago I had to use the disabled washroom down town which you need a RADAR key to use. Yeah no biggie, would have used the normal bathrooms but they were locked but that is why I have the key to begin with if the bathrooms are locked. So when I went to leave there were 2 women looking at the locked gates and then they saw me. Looked me up and down like I was something rotten on the bottom of their shoes and whispered to each other "well she doesn't look disabled"

Now normally I would have either turned the air blue replying and gotten in trouble, or would have asked them if they would like my disability so they can be looked at the same way. But I was in too much pain from our walk and had to go meet Mr.F at the pharmacy. I was visibly limping and clearly in pain but not good enough for these ladies apparently.

Now I know that you can't always tell if a person has a disability, especially one like MS, but what gives them the right to look at me like that, to whisper to each other like I wouldn't hear or care, or to judge for themselves if I am disabled enough for them? No right at all.

And yes I shouldn't have let it bug me, but it did. Not 100% sure why, part of it is people looking at me like I am a freak, the other part is people looking at me like I am playing the system. Thats not all of the reason it bugged me, wish I could figure out why. Your damned if you are disabled and people see it and your damned if your are disabled and people can't see it.

Before it was people thinking I was drunk since I use to get tired walking really quickly and tended to sway and limp (getting better since we have been walking everywhere, but not perfect yet), I could kind of deal with that and laugh it off and say well this must be what it feels like to be drunk :p

I know it is something that a lot of people with MS have to deal with, the preconceptions and stares, but it does start to bug a person. I do try to educate people about MS and that does go along way towards helping, but there are sometimes when people just don't listen.

And it doesn't help when people think you are a hypochondriac and faking things when clearly not.

But I will say something. Angus College is being really helpful which is really great :)

ok so thats my incoherent rant for the month :p


Serena said...

unfortunately, there will always be people who are ignorant to the fact that some disabilities are not always visible to the naked eye. those women had no right to judge you so unfairly and you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone either. i'm so sorry you had to go through that, jennifer.

CurlyPops said...

I know exactly what you mean. I parked in the disabled parking at the shops a couple of weeks ago, and an old lady yelled out to me "I hope you have a permit to have your car parked there". I turned around with my nasal cannula and oxygen tubing and said " actually yes I do have a permit".

Linda Fleming said...

Why do people worry so much about what others do? What empty boring lives they must live if they have the time and so much interest in monitoring others.

Most people don't even know I have MS. I'm sure my neighbors probably think I'm just lazy because I can't work in my yard in the heat of the summer months. And have times I have to rest a lot between doing simple chores. But I just don't have the energy to worry about what others think of me.

Chrissy said...

Jen, it is sad.........but, there will always be some awful people about. Whilst I am not making light of how hurtful it can be, it is pretty easy to sort out what sort of people these are and saves you the trouble of having to get to know them to find out ;)
Next time start coughing madly and say, "it isn't contagious, honestly"

Leslie Hawes said...

I would take to carrying around a big stout stick. :)

Tweed Delights said...

Rant away girl! Sorry you have to put up with all that 'nonsense' from people - it's pure ignorance. Great that the College are being helpful and supportive though :)

Jolly good rant BTW!

Ann said...

So sorry Jennifer. Disabilities are not always obvious. Like Kiddo's food allergy. But stupid, rude people are always very easy to spot. I like the coughing idea!

Reflections From Life Art Blog said...

Sorry you had to go through that Jen. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who do play the system because they are lazy and inconsiderate. They use relatives handicap placards just so they can park closer and not have to walk so far. I see it all the time where I live, and I have to remind myself that not all handicaps are visible. My brother is handicapped as well and he gets irritated by it too when people park in those spots and are not handicapped. His handicap is not always visible either and he gets the same type of comments, especially when he uses the electric cart in stores.

Just think up a nice come back and keep it ready to spit out if someone says anything like that again.

Jennifer Rose said...

thank you all for all the nice comments and suggestions of what to say :D could always start oinking at people :p

thank you Serena :)

Cam- I would have loved to have seen the look on her face when you turned around :)

Linda- yes they must lead boring lives. I know I shouldn't waste my energy thinking about people like that but I do sometimes find it hard.

lol Chrissy! thats perfect! :D

Leslie- it would be too tempting to hit almost everyone with it :p

Alison- thank you :) was worried it wouldn't make any sense.

Ann- thank you for your comment. :) *hugs*

futuregirl said...

So ugly. Why are people compelled to be jerks and treat others so poorly?! I've stuck my foot in it enough times to know that I should never judge a person, especially to their face. My only advice it to ignore them as the dummies they are. Like little evil flies, buzzing around trying to make you miserable. Who needs that?! :) Not you! Just swat their little miserable buzzing away from your ears and soldier on, sister. xo!

Kerry said...

So sorry that you were hurt by those women, I hope you put it behind you soon, keep your chin up and just consider the source.

Jeanette said...

Its unfair that anyone should treat another human in that way. I have found that people like to feel superior at times and belittling others does it for them it seems.

Also, people fear what they don't understand and from that fear comes anger as they try to protect themselves with words.

If only people would try to understand others, life would be so much simpler, wouldn't it?

Jennifer Rose said...

Alice-thanks for your comment :) lol little evil flies, that is exactly what they are! I need to draw little evil flies now lol

Kerry-thanks for the comment :)

Jeanette- life would be a lot simpler and possibly less violent if people showed some understanding, you are right about that.

Michelle Eaton said...

It really hurts when people who don't even know you judge you. I can fully understand, and it's always good to have a rant about these things. I use to get so depressed about the same thing.

HElen said...

Dear Jennifer, Sorry you were being hurt. I know that sometime it is so hard to ignore such people and they do get under your skin, unfortunately...
I agree, you do not have to justify yourself to them, they are not worthy.

kaslkaos said...

Catching up on things as usual. I get bugged by ignorant comments too, but the truth is, they weren't judging 'you', they were judging what they saw and basing their judgement on their eyeballs. Maybe they were also in a mood to be rude and you were a handy target. When it comes to parking spaces I could understand, as they are in short supply and people may honestly think someone is cheating the system and want to help preserve the space for those in need, but the washroom was empty anyway, so obviously they were just being slimy. Contact with such folks leaves a residue. Wash it off best you can.

Jennifer Rose said...

Michelle- thank you for your comment :) its really hard not to get depressed about these things, even if you know its stupid to

Helen-thank you :) *hugs*

Ingrid- yeah I know they were not judging me even if it felt that way. I think if they really looked like they needed to go I probably would have let them in the bathroom, but not after that. its a big pet peeve of mine when people use the disabled parking spots and do not have a permit for them. I know it can be hard to get the permits but they are taking the spot from people that do have the permits.